This was my view this morning when I realized I had not stopped and climbed out of "the hamster wheel of life" in a very long time. It is day 4 of my covid isolation, and this time around is a breeze, so I was in my sunny studio, reading and working on a few art pieces. I wanted to read my Bible, but was feeling too tired to climb the stairs again to get it, so I opened the beautifully illustrated St. John's Gospels I keep in the studio and began reading. After several pages, I stopped reading and just sat there. It had been a while since I just sat still. I felt so aware, so deeply quiet in my spirit and excessively thankful for the beautiful sunshine falling across my face. Both yesterday and today, I gave myself some time to just sit without an agenda, without a to-do list or task; and this morning, it hit me that I have not allowed myself to truly come to a stop mentally in far too long.
I'm a thinker and analyzer as well as a doer with plenty of ambitious creativeness - which keeps me at full speed most of the time. Add to that a constant personal battle of trying not to let the woes of the world overwhelm me to the point of depression, as I am the type of person to carry about a feeling of responsibility and a sincere desire to help and make right the wrongs of humanity. Not until today could I put my finger on why I don't feel like I am getting rest or "downtime" even when I spend time doing nothing but watching tv on the couch for an hour or two most nights.
Let's face it - most of us lead very busy lives. My middle-aged woman, sandwich-generation, grandchild-watching, full-time working, volunteering, pursuing art on-the-side kind of life is likely not busier than most people. But do we really allow ourselves to "stop" mentally? I didn't realize how important that was. I am a Christian, so I often spend time reading God's Word, busily thinking about what I read and praying about so many needful things, but do I allow myself time to just sit in God's presence - blocking out everything else but God? I didn't realize how important that was either.
In Psalms 46:10 God tells us to "Be still and know that I am God". In Isaiah 26:3 we are reminded that if a person puts their trust in God and keep his mind fixed on him, God will "keep him in perfect peace." I think I need to remind myself of that more often.
Lately, the subject of busyness has been one I tend to research a lot in the effort to figure out how to fit it all in. I feel more tired than I did ten years ago, and with full-time work, parents to help, a high-schooler, grown kids and young grandchildren, my roles in life have expanded and become more complex than when I had youth on my side. My heart's desire is to grow, deepen and support the relationships with those I love; and as I pursue that, as well as full-time work and responsibilities of life, I often neglect my own needs - pushing off the exercise, the art, the time I need to be still in order to recharge. For a while now, I have struggled to figure out how to continue to do it all at a pace that seems to exhaust me. There just doesn't seem to be enough time in a day.
I've often thought of what Jesus said to Martha, who was also tired and busy from work and caring for others. She went to Jesus in an effort to have him make her sister Mary help her. I think I understand it clearer now than I used to. He said to her "Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." (Luke 10:41b-42). Martha's sister Mary was sitting and listening to Jesus while Martha was working hard to serve Jesus and those who had come to the house to hear him. Was Martha wrong to be serving others? Was Mary wrong to be neglecting to help? Jesus did not condemn either act. He lovingly acknowledged Martha's state of busyness and revealed her troubled state of mind, but then spoke only about the one necessary thing there is in life for every person - time spent in relationship with God, in loving worship and communion. So, while we may lead busy lives, and while much of it's busyness may be other-focused, we must not forget that God created human beings with eternal souls to live a higher life - a spiritual one - in relationship with him. The time we set aside to spend in communion with God is not a loss in our busy schedule, even if something else gets dropped because of it.
As the New Year approaches, and I try to plan yet another schedule for my life, I know I need to purposely set aside time to just sit in God's presence, and I also need to give myself time to clear my mind and be still. God's beautiful creation helps me do that more often in the good weather, when I can be outside, sitting in the garden, just watching the bees or walking through the woods or on the beach. So, even if I create a schedule and still can't "fit it all in" - I will at least be fitting in what will nourish and sustain my soul and mind.
Comments
Post a Comment